Life
50 smart responds to handle douchebags
They won't bother you again, guarantee.
Kenny Fernandez
07.29.21

There’s nothing worse than getting a text from a douchebag and not knowing exactly how to respond. We understand the struggle, really, but don’t hit the panic button quite yet. Luckily, you are not alone. Many people before you have also been in similar situations.

Read through these 50 awesome ways to respond to a text from a giant douchebag and learn from the best.

Some of the strategies of how to respond are hilarious, others are serious, and some are downright random. The one unifying factor, however, is that they are all guaranteed to take care of your douchebag problem pretty much instantly. While crafting the perfect response isn’t always easy, these simple strategies will give you a good idea of the best course of action for your unique situation.

1. Think it over for a while

When someone sends you a confusing text, sometimes the best course of action is to wait 2 years and think it over first. You only get one chance to respond so you don’t want to mess it up. Then, of course, make sure to ask the important questions.

fuckitspicy
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fuckitspicy

2. Ask for specifics

A lot of times you just need more details. Don’t be afraid to ask for specifics to get the clarification you need. This woman’s responses in this text exchange are a great example.

fingerlime
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fingerlime

3. Send some revealing photos

It could be that the best response for your situation is not a text at all but actually a picture response. It’s pretty common that someone will ask for some revealing photos. Instead of saying no and blocking them, you can always consider just complying. This girl did it best.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

4. The empowered response

Why so quick to get sexual? Instead of letting things heat up naturally, some people just can’t resist trying to take the conversation to the next level immediately. This woman’s empowered response, however, is pretty epic.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

5. Be direct

This woman’s ex decided to text her out of the blue. We all know how stressful that can be, but always remember, there is a reason that chapter of your life is now closed. It’s best to just be direct about where your current interest level lies.

surejustjess
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surejustjess

6. Evade the question

If someone asks you something and you don’t feel like answering, one proven strategy is to just evade the question entirely. One woman found a great way of doing this. She just asked the same question back.

may
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may

7. Take the compliment

A lot of times the conversation starts off well, and if someone compliments you, it’s best to just casually say thank you and accept it. However, if things start to go south, as they often do, you know what to do… Straight to radio silence.

straightwhiteboystexting
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straightwhiteboystexting

8. Be vague about your schedule

This woman doesn’t really like her ex very much as you can tell by the name she has for him at the top of the chat. When he contacted her to make plans recently, she had a great response. “I’m busy, like forever.”

textfrommyex
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textfrommyex

9. Use a Netflix reference

Ratings are for movies, not for normal conversations. That’s why when someone asks you to use a rating scale to describe something over text message, there is only one real way to respond. Send them a gif from Stranger Things.

textsfromyourex
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textsfromyourex

10. Share your diversity

This guy has no clue. If you are going to be kind of offensive, at least try to get your words right. The girl was definitely not afraid to call him out in her response though.

viachicago22
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viachicago22

11. Show your enthusiasm

This girl received the classic shirt off douchebag text, but luckily she knew exactly what to do. She decided to show him exactly how impressed she was. Her answer back is pretty hilarious.

textsfromyourex
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textsfromyourex

12. Have a deep conversation

Steering a text exchange towards deep and meaningful topics is a great way to salvage a bad conversation. Talk about the important things, share your innermost feelings, and learn more about a person. Of course, sometimes your partner doesn’t really give you much to work with.

omega3
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omega3

13. Respond with a flattering image

Curious about how to handle a creepy pm? This woman has a great solution. Simply send the person the best photo of yourself that you can find.

neva-electra
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neva-electra

14. Tell them what you really want

When things are heating up fast in a text exchange and you need to slow it down, one the best ways to respond is to tell them what you really want. Whatever random thing pops into your head first will work. Something like, lasagna, maybe?

AcidCow
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AcidCow

15. The silent treatment

We often forget we don’t have to respond at all, and in many situations, no response is often the best response. Especially when someone makes a request as crazy as this guy’s. What a weird dude!

straightwhiteboystexting
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straightwhiteboystexting

16. Pretend the number has been disconnected

There are a lot of creative ways to go about using this strategy. Believable and authentic is when you say, “Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.” Other methods are slightly more comical, such as the response used by the woman in this conversation.

heidi.glitterbomb
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heidi.glitterbomb

17. Talk about your favorite restaurants

When in doubt, assume the person you are chatting with is referring to food. Food is a safe subject. There’s nothing sexual about food.

NewMayorLuigiOG
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NewMayorLuigiOG

18. Help in any way you can

If someone is in need of help, it’s generally best to lend a hand in any way you can. That’s what happened in the following conversation. A guy asked for assistance with his archaeological find, and the friendly girl actually gave him some pretty good advice.

straightwhiteboystexting
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straightwhiteboystexting

19. Use Reverse Psychology

This woman found a pretty amazing way to flip the script. “Sure, I’ll send you a sexy pic”, she thought to herself, “hope you like it!” The hopeful man was less than impressed.

shejla.24
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shejla.24

20. Have some fun with wordplay

Texting should be fun, and part of that is being creative with your responses. When one man asked a girl a question about the color of her undergarments, she simply decided to invent one. “Sugcon,” she said. Don’t worry, you’ll understand soon.

little-librarian
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little-librarian

21. Share what you truly desire

Don’t be afraid to tell the other person what you really desire, no matter how random or strange. Let yourself be a little vulnerable. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants.

The
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The

22. Be their dad

Nothing will embarrass a guy more than telling him you’re his dad. Especially if he sends you something sexual like in the following conversation. Even if he doesn’t believe you, at the very least you’ll leave him totally confused and wondering what the heck is going on.

pseudo_potatoes
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pseudo_potatoes

23. Games are cool

Playing text games can be fun. Other times, it’s super lame. Really, it mostly depends on the person you’re chatting with. Once you read this text exchange, you’ll see what we mean.

Reddit
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Reddit

24. Use your imagination

Imaginative responses are a good way to take a boring conversation and make things a little more interesting. This girl is definitely a pro at it. Check out what she had to say about this guy’s fingers.

memewhore
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memewhore

25. Do some role-playing

Before you go straight to nudes, it’s best to get to know each other a little first. Doing some role-playing is a great technique for this, allowing you both to get out of your comfort zones and have fun. It’s also a good way to express what you’re really thinking.

approach
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approach

26. Change your mind

Giving truthful and straightforward answers is always a good honest strategy. However, if things happen to take a turn for the worst, remember, it’s a-okay to change your mind. Just like this girl, who quickly learned that her original response might have been a mistake.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

27. Block them

Every once and a while, a real weirdo comes along. In a situation like the following, it’s totally acceptable to just completely ignore them. The block button is there for a reason!

NoLolaNo
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NoLolaNo

28. The gross-out

What’s up with guys asking the color of undergarments? One way to respond is simply the gross-out move. Make sure to be as detailed and descriptive as possible.

geakzilla
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geakzilla

29. Quote song lyrics

Does something in the conversation remind you of a song you know? Feel free to quote it. It’s so much easier than creating your own response. Singers just have a way with words that is so eloquent and perfect.

nowtinding2_withavengen
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nowtinding2_withavengen

30. Call them out on their BS

There are so many ways to screw up with modern technology, especially if you are trying to hide something. One guy learned that lesson the hard way when a girl he was seeing caught him in an obvious lie. She instantly called him out.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

31. Be sassy

Does this bro really think this is a good pickup line, casually tossing out an insult in his introduction? Luckily, the sassy woman in this conversation dishes out the insults just as good as she takes them. Let’s just call this what it is — a win for the girls’ side.

rubipthearts
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rubipthearts

32. Incorporate condiments into the discussion

Typically, you probably don’t want to be the first person to bring up condiments as a discussion topic, but once the subject has already been breached, you might as well just go with the flow, just like the witty woman in this conversation did. She took a guy’s food-inspired racial reference and turned it back around in a pretty hilarious fashion.

soletstalkabout
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soletstalkabout

33. Make fun of their bad spelling

We don’t know if this one is a result of poor English, an autocorrect error, or simply just lazy texting. However, it’s pretty funny. If this ever happens to you, a good strategy to follow is to just make your own spelling mistake joke back.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

34. Terrify them

Unfortunately, any woman who has been online dating for a while knows that eventually, you will probably get an unsolicited dick pic. One woman had a great response. The image she sent back is one that is sure to put the fear of God into any man. It’s likely he’ll think twice about casually sending a picture of his unit out like that again.

byefelipe
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byefelipe

35. Reveal their double standards

It’s 2019, and there is no room for double standards anymore in the dating arena. Any guy who sends something vulgar out will soon find out that girls are just as good at playing that game. Always practice texting equality or something like that…

look4live
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look4live

36. Deny them

No second chances. That is that golden rule. Whenever a douchebag ex texts you, the simple solution is to just deny them. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to use a little humor to help cushion the blow as well.

bipi11
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bipi11

37. Get your pun on

When online dating, every awkward text you receive is another opportunity to work on your puns. At least that’s one way to look at it. Being able to craft a good pun is a talent that must be consistently practiced in order to maintain the ability.

byefelipe
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byefelipe

38. Get straight to the point

There is no use in wasting time in long text conversations when you already know you’re not interested. It’s better to just be direct about it and get straight to the point. Even more so when it’s a message from an ex.

ariannar46
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ariannar46

39. Practice your math

Statistics are complicated, but the answer to this guy’s question isn’t. The guy asked a girl about his chances with her and she had an excellent way of responding to him. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but sometimes math is not only simple but fun too.

texts from last night
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texts from last night

40. Play dumb

When someone asks a question you don’t want to answer, just play dumb. Tell them you don’t understand and refuse to respond. That’s what this girl did and it seemed to work pretty well at least.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

41. Follow their directions

Whenever someone made a picture request of her, one woman decided to just follow their directions. Unfortunately, the guy was very unclear. In the end, it looks like despite the woman’s honest attempt to satisfy him, he never really got the picture that he wanted.

ohbeautifulangel
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ohbeautifulangel

42. Give your own detailed directions

Instead of following the guy’s directions, this girl gave out some of her own. The guy happily obeyed. Although, at the end of the conversation it seems that he got a surprise that he probably never expected.

evenmyegoispink
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evenmyegoispink

43. Wow them with your Harry Potter jokes

This man thought he was being smooth when he sent a Harry Potter joke over. However, the girl knew exactly how to answer back. She crafted her own magical response.

texts from last night
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texts from last night

44. Talk about your love of music

This guy was trying to be pretty clever. However, it turns out that two can play at that game, girls included. With her quick wits, she was able to take the potentially awkward exchange and quickly turn it into a nice polite conversation about music.

MEME
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MEME

45. Share your interests

Talking about your interests is a great way to bond with someone and it’s okay to repeat yourself to reinforce things. If you have an interest you really care about, like this woman, any response back to your question other than “yes” might just be a deal breaker. To save everyone wasted time, she cuts right to the chase.

vyralize
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vyralize

46. The non sequitur

The non sequitur is a comedic literary device wherein the response is often not really related to the original message that preceded it. It can actually really come in handy. This girl found a great way to use one in the following conversation.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

47. Be honest with them

When a guy has bad game, it’s best to just let them know straight up you’re not feeling it. That’s what this girl did. Hopefully, on the guy’s next attempt, he’ll fare better.

texts from last night
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texts from last night

48. Simon Cowell can help

If you find yourself in a tough situation and aren’t sure exactly how to respond, no worries Simon Cowell can help. The famous music and talent competition judge always knows exactly what to say. He gets the point across like no one else can.

anticreeps
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anticreeps

49. Unsubscribe

We’re not sure if this is a legit technique or not, but it’s definitely funny. The recipient got the picture and it was pretty clear in this case that the conversation was over. Try it out for yourself and let us know how it works.

SLL_21
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SLL_21

50. Use a gif

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If you’re not quite sure what the best response is, why not just use a gif? Gifs are plentiful, fun, and oftentimes speak volumes more than any amount of words ever could.

Cheezburger
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Cheezburger

Hopefully one of these 50 strategies seems like something that will work for you in the future. No one likes dealing with douchebags. We’re certainly wishing you the best!

Which one of these amazing responses to douchebags is your favorite?

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By Kenny Fernandez
hi@sbly.com
Kenny Fernandez is a contributor at SBLY Media.
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